04/13/2018 at 07:00PM
Just Ben & Probably Her Nipples
Who wants to get slaughtered this Friday? It’s time to revisit childhood memories of Crystal Lake with a Friday the 13th BASH! This Friday! The 13th!
For those of you unfamiliar with Friday the 13th, it’s when the patron Saint Jason rises from the lake to reward acts of conspicuous hedonism with sharp wit, fun runs through the woods, and a variety of abdominal exercises, all while celebrating the eternal spirit of American sportsmanship.
As your BASH Czar I’ve been doing everything I can to support the community by protecting it from my presence. Sadly I’m now back to being a productive member of society (well, not that productive, and not that social, but still one helluva member) and I need people to help commiserate my return to the ranks of the compensated employed. But lieu of people, y’all will do.
A co-hare volunteer is high recommended as I really, really suck at this and I’m okay with that. We’ll start at Rayback Collective with the express intention of not terrifying any impressionable children with gruesome props. We’ll murder a few drinks, powder our noses, and paint the town red.
Bring: Shoes that’ll trip you while running, sharp tree limbs, dull machetes, rusty farm equipment, virgins (recommended virgins include a terrified half-naked coed with a twisted ankle, a stoner with no situational awareness, or a misogynistic frat boy), a BIKE, bike lights, tinker bells, hockey mask, hockey pants, blood-splattered overalls, localized rigor mortis, fake blood, real blood, powdered blood, powered milk, breast milk, milk steaks & jellybeans, cereal to kill, and a cylindrical sports ball.
Trail type: A-A
Location: Rayback Collective
Hares: Just Ben & Probably Her Nipples
Hash Cash: $6.66
2775 Valmont Rd, Boulder, CO 80304