08/12/2018 at 4:20pm
Semen 4 Vegan
The time has cum to bask in our divorced glory. Join Boulder’s unwelcoming, negative, and exclusive kennel in celebrating how divisive we have become in the last year. It will be more contentious than a paternity test on the Maury Show. There will be yelling. There will be truculence. There will be threats about taking you for all you are worth. There will NOT be any meeting in the middle.
WEAR: wedding dresses, tuxedos, garbage bags so that you can look like your trash ex, clothes with zippers so you can understand the glory of separation, LBDs, courtroom robes, regular robes, Left Shark costumes.
BRING: half of your worldly possessions to give away, your lawyer, the nearest divorcée, Judge Judy, Cougars, actual mountain lions, hash cash or phone with Venmo on it, ID, extra cash for on-after, even more cash for doling out crazy amounts of alimony, virgins, strippers, your side-piece, fake pieces of dog shit, your actual piece-of-shit ex.
DON’T BRING: minors (sorry Amber), positive attitudes.
ADDITIONAL INFO: Probably Her Nipples is hosting his own hash at the same time as this one. His event involves him sobbing silently and drinking by himself, if anyone is interested.
A – A’
Meet at Oskar Blues at 9th and Pearl in Boulder. I don’t care how you get there. Just do it. They have some $3 beer for those of you who have very little money left after paying alimony.