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[Posted for All American Cumstain]

Good Afternoon,

To celebrate the glorious occasion of shooting a bunch of Red Coats and becoming the greatest nation on Earth, we will hash.  Wear your best red, white and blew so when you charge after me, it will look like a battle scene from The Patriot.
Hare(s): The only one capable of haring on the 4th, me [All American Cumstain].
When? 5:69pm.  Beano, there will be a trail to follow when you show up at 7:52.

Where? The South parking lot of Fairview High School (the one that is next to Greenbriar Road) because nothing is more American than drinking in a high school parking lot.  

Fairview High School
1515 Greenbriar Blvd
Boulder, CO 80305

Kids? Sure bring them, there should be plenty of beer.
Strollers? No, you can walk Amber and we all know it.
K69s? Only if they lick Peanut-butter off my balls.
What to bring: Hotdogs, baseball, apple pie and Chevrolet. Red, white and blue, muscle cars, 5 American dollars, ID to prove you are a real American and love for the greatest President of all time: Franklin Pierce 
What not to Bring: Anything made outside the USA.  Seriously, I will destroy it.
Also: There is a 4k at Avery that several racist hashers will be participating in.  Why do this to yourself?  All you can drink Avery beer afterwards with race entry.  Come see Amber bitch kick Beano down the final straightaway.